War with yourself: The road to becoming a graduate student

This is a second chance to change my Life

“I just want to give myself a chance to start over, no matter how hard it takes. I want to get out of my current life and meet better students, better teachers, and more resources,” said Zhang Yan, juniors who attended the 2018 Unified National Graduate Entrance Examination. Think back to the time when she was preparing for the exam, she sees it as the only way to change her fate. “In China, you only get two chances to change your life in the simplest and most effective way: once for The National College Entrance Examination and once for Unified National Graduate Entrance Examination. Unified National Graduate Entrance Examination, which is the entrance examination for the fresh graduates, the graduates and the students with the same educational background to study for the master’s or doctor’s degree. It consists of the first and second examinations organized by the national examination departments in charge and the enrollment units. At least 2 million people take the exam every year, and the number of applicants has been increasing year by year. By 2019, the number has increased by 21 percent to 2.9 million, an increase of 520,000 over 2018.

Because of her poor performance in the National College Entrance Examination, Zhang was only admitted to a very ordinary university in her hometown. At that time, she thought, she only needs to graduate smoothly, find a stable job, and start a family, which is enough. But after entering her junior year, she found that her classmates all had their own plans. Some found suitable jobs, some decided to go abroad, and others were already qualified for postgraduate recommendation. She suddenly felt anxiety which she had never felt before. Not knowing what her future would be, and not seeing a way out, she decided to try out for graduate school after several job interviews turned her down. “My dream since I was a child was to be a lawyer. I stopped thinking about it after I failed the college entrance examination, I don’t think this dream has a chance of coming true.” Seeing that her friends all have new goals and pursuits, she suddenly felt that she still has a chance to change her future. So she decided to apply for the best law school in China. Because of the different majors (She majored in literature at university), it was a big challenge for Zhang to cross the major to get into law school, which meant she had less than a year to study a new major and to get into a new field. ( She began preparing for her December exam in April 2018) The 2018 exam was called “the most difficult exam in history ——238,000 applicants, a 70% elimination rate, fewer places. Zhang Yan said, “if I was only an undergraduate from an ordinary university, I would soon be out of business in the job market. All I can do now is put all my eggs in one basket.”

Have you seen the library in the wee hours of the morning

After deciding to take the exam, Zhang Yan’s life became like a train schedule, with fixed times, fixed places, doing the same thing. “I arrive at the library every morning at six o’clock on the dot to grab the seats. Too many people, too few seats, At first she would wait until after the library opened, but there were no seats left, so she decided to wait in line an hour before the library opened, she always chose the window seat with a view of the small garden, which she could look at when she was resting. She studies English first from 6 am to 7 am, it is the time she feels most awake, studies professional classes from 8 am to 12 am, then have lunch for 15 minutes at noon, after that she always chooses to take a nap, from 12.30 pm on time to self-study another professional course until 5 pm, uses 15 minutes for dinner, from 5:30 p.m.to 1:00 a.m. practices as planned. “In any case, I need to keep at least 14 hours of study time a day.”

Zhang is not alone, and there are at least 300 people in the library she visits every day who study for an average of more than 12 hours a day, in addition to eating and resting. They compete secretly, even among people they don’t know. “The girl sitting in front of me can study for 16 hours a day, and I’m sure she’ll land. When I want to rest and see her still learning, I can not let myself have a rest”. In the graduate entrance examination circle, they formed some specific words between each other, they call those who have been admitted are those who have landed. It has some Buddhist meaning：landing means finally passing the exam and getting out of the sea of misery. That is why it’s called landing.

To stay focused on study, Zhang Yan removed social apps from her phone, leaving only the simple dictionary and call functions. Sometimes she even chooses not to take the phone for fear of being distracted. “When you choose to put all your energy into preparing the examination, it means that you will be out of society, out of the group, this is a one-man battle.” Thinking of that period of that time, perhaps her most relaxed time is the night run time. In addition to staying healthy and not getting sick, there’s another reason to relieve stress. “When I’m running, my mind is empty, I can get away from those heavy study tasks for a while. I don’t need to know how much more do I have to learn, how many multiple-choice questions I missed today. I just let myself run. ” The most stressful time for the exam is nearly three months before the December exam, which is also the coldest season. The sun rises late in winter and she goes out before dawn and returns to her dorm in the early hours of the morning. “It was really cold at that time. I felt that no matter how thick my clothes were, I still felt cold. In the year I spent preparing for my exams, I never saw a library in the sun. It was always a light in the dark, warm and lonely.”

I did it, but I don’t want to go through it again.

On December 21 and 22,2018, she took the exam, two days, four subjects, and twelve hours. “I think it was the longest and the fastest two days of my life.” She had planned to sleep all day after the exam, but the next morning she got up at 5:30 am as usual to review the English learning task, and then it occurred to her that she had finished the exam. On the day of her grades, Zhang Yan was working part-time as usual, when she received an email from the school that said she had been accepted. She didn’t scream or cry, she just double-checked the information on the email and put her phone away to discuss a new project plan with her colleagues. “When I got the email, I knew I had done it and I was on the verge of becoming the lawyer I wanted to be. I was lucky enough to get in after only one test, and I know a lot of people who took three or even five tests and didn’t get in. Maybe it’s my efforts paid off, plus a little bit of luck.

Like Zhang Yan, millions of students still take the exam each year, hoping to change their lives, become part of society’s elite, and have more opportunities. Some even bet their entire future on the test, give up looking for work, play with friends and have meals with family, in their opinion, in order to concentrate on preparing for the exam, it is worthwhile to give up for a short time. It is impossible to say whether this is the right choice and whether graduate degrees are really as desirable as they might think—— brings more opportunities in the job market than others. Although the process is painful, most of them believe when they work for a goal, can constantly developing their potential, gain a deeper understanding of their own, and gradually becoming a better self. Of course, not everyone is optimistic. On a Q & A site, someone asked “what it was like to fail the Unified National Graduate Entrance Examination? ” 1,053 people answered the question, 7,178 followed the question, and 3.85 million people viewed. In the answer, we can find that there are a lot of negatives. When they talk about the feelings about this failure, the keywords they usually use are “shame” “suffering” “collapse”. Some examples are even serious, they will fall into this mood, refuse to eat, and will not come out for a long time. Just as Zhang said, I am so glad I did it. I can not imagine what it would be like to do it all over again. ”

Source:

Data analysis report of national postgraduate application for 2015-2018:https://yz.chsi.com.cn/yzzt/fxbg2018

Survey Report on National Graduate Enrollment Data:http://www.eol.cn/html/ky/2018report/page1.shtml

What it was like to fail the Unified National Graduate Entrance Examination?:https://www.zhihu.com/question/27286084