My best story

It is curious to think how sometimes feelings can mix to form a convoluted tangle of opposing emotions. How joy and sadness can intertwine until they coexist at the same time. Beginnings are always hard, full of illusion, nerves and expectations; but endings taste bittersweet.

I still remember how it felt the dream that led me to make the decision to spend this semester abroad. If I close my eyes I can still see myself saying goodbye to everything I had in Madrid. At that moment the desire to start living a new life and discover a new version of me overshadowed the sadness that can be felt at goodbyes. I envisioned a perfect scenario where I would want to pause time and live forever, but no ending can be written without traversing history first.

My life changed at the beginning of October and, although until then only illusion had driven me, I soon realized that the Erasmus experience also has gray colors. I remember the first days marked by a feeling: loneliness. The loss of the circle of people who support you and have been present at all times of your life soon becomes noticeable. Even I, who thought I was so independent before I arrived, could avoid sadness by not having a household. But therein lies what for me is the main learning from this experience, the overcoming.

You leave home and you find a whole world that welcomes you with open arms. People who teach you that in the face of adversity we are all one. The support and understanding of those who are in the same situation begin to balance the balance towards purer colors, leaving behind the greys. Suddenly you look back and discover that you are no longer alone, that you have a new family to share the experience with. A group of friends that will become everything and that will endure in time, beyond the path towards which life takes you.

An explosion of the senses

Once you find your place, life begins to be a non-stop. Improvised plans that become trips and fill your memory with memories and images that you will never forget. Anecdotes that you will repeat again and again in the future. Moments that you will want to return to and that will remain in the history of your life becoming main chapters. Salzburg, Regensburg, Passau, Nuremberg and Venezia are some of the titles that lead the stories of this intense journey that has been the Erasmus.

And not only will you remember lived experiences, also smells and flavors will fill your senses. The smell of Christmas so characteristic of Munich’s Christmas markets, the aroma of coffee in quiet evenings with friends or the essence of the Latin party in the early German hours. Also the taste of that pizzeria where you had the best company, the Bavarian food on the visit of your family or meals on trains to reach new destinations. The bitterness of the first German beer or the wines that accompany the evenings with friends. All of them as ingredients of the final cocktail that will be your experience

And the colors. You will also discover new palettes that will paint the streets with colors or cover them with thick layers of white snow. Erasmus will show you the uniqueness of each city, making it unique and teaching you new perspectives of seeing the world.

The eternal farewell

That is why now that the end is coming, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I keep trying to assimilate the madness I have been living in these last few months. While it is true that the sketch drawn by my past self has not finally materialized, the actual result is much more complete than I ever imagined. Erasmus is an incredible experience that changes you and at times you do not want to leave. But it also continues to be the reality of a life that is therefore associated with dailylife and in which not so good moments emerge. I feel an immense joy for having had the privilege of enjoying this adventure, but I am also glad to be able to return. If there is one thing my international experience has taught me, it is to feel lucky about everything I had. To be more aware that the life I have is the one I want to continue building.

Of course my eyes fill with tears at the thought that this part of my story is about to end. Sadness fills me when I remember that something like this cannot be repeated, which is an eternal farewell, an ephemeral moment. I know that is what this is all about, and that is what gives Erasmus that magical aura. A part of me will always stay in Munich and this city will always be in me. This story, now can have an end.