‘’There is a difference between being tolerated and being accepted’’

Being young and Queer is already difficult but not knowing your gender identity is even more difficult. Eden* (20) studies at LMU and is questioning their** gender. ‘’I think I want a label, but more so that I can tell people ‘I identify as x’. Labelling yourself has advantages even more in a heteronormative world. Other than that I just want to be able for myself to describe my gender identity.’’

*Eden is a fictive name the real name is known by the editorial

**We use they/them pronounce for Eden in this interview

‘’I feel like I have two and a half parents, my mom’s boyfriend will be the easiest to come out to he just doesn’t care. I can just say ‘hey use this name and pronounce’ and he will just say ‘okay’ and walk away. On one hand I would like it if he would just show some more interest, but on the other hand I feel like I don’t need to justify myself.’’ Edens mom will be a different story ‘’With her I feel like I need to justify myself and reason on a rational level and I’m not able to do that right now.’’ Their dad is an old leftist, almost a Marxist, he’s not against anything, but he also doesn’t understand. The question for Eden will be if they want to have this conversation with their dad right now. ‘’I think I can tell him ‘hey use this name, use this pronounce, no further questions. He wont ask for an explanation if I say I wont give any. But there is a difference between being tolerated and being accepted.’’

Questioning

‘’Questioning for me means, that I have not found a label that describes my gender identity correctly. In my life I question it a lot.’’ A lot of Queer people will start to understand their identity when they have an environment where its safe and where more queer people are. The same goes for Eden in high school they find Queer friends and start to think more and more about their gender identity. It wasn’t weird that the group came together the German school curriculum didn’t tell them anything about the LGBT+. ‘’Only if the teacher themselves wants to talk about it. I think there is enough space to let people know transpeople exist and to tell them about the LGBT+. But there isn’t anything in the curriculum.’’ Trans kids have to figure out there gender identity and how to deal with that mostly on their own.

Name

‘’I never had a moment where I decided to change my name. I tried a view different names at school.’’ When they went to Fridays for future they felt like they finally could start fresh. It was the first place where they were only known by Eden. ‘’It’s a place where they do name rounds before they start and ask ‘what’s your name and pronounce’. It was the first time that I really felt like they didn’t care which pronounce I used.’’

Leidensdruck

In German you have the word ‘leidensdruck’  it describes the amount of pain you’re in. ‘’I convince myself that I’m not in enough pain. But that makes it even harder. I’m always thinking in my head ‘How is this person seeing me?’ it affects how you act, speak and how you dress.’’ Eden cant stop thinking about it. It’s on their mind every day of the week. What outfit will you wear, how high do you  make your voice in language classes.

München

If you compare München with other cities, they might be a bit behind. Other cities give more recourses. ‘’In München you have ‘The Diversity’ it’s a youth meetup point. They have a trans group, Non Binary group and a gay group and so on. They also offer free counselling. That’s an important place for Queer youth.’’ München is of course a big city so that makes that you can dress the way you want and no one would care. ‘’I don’t feel like I need to move to another city because they’re not tolerant here. But I do consider moving, not specifically to find a large Queer community, but I feel like that would be the case anyway. Any bigger more colourful city would have a bigger Queer community.