Taking my life back

 “Have you ever felt so trapped in your life that you didn’t know a way out? Have you ever confided in people and have them tell you how simple and straight forward your problem is, when deep down you know it’s not? Have you ever completely detached yourself from the world due to the lack of confidence you suddenly have in yourself? One doesn’t really understand what it is like to be there until you find yourself broken down and alone. That is what emotional abuse is for me and the worst thing about it is, there is no real solution to this problem”- the story of an anonymous heroin and who took back her life after enduring many years of emotional abuse. 

            Her story started off very normal, not unlike many of our own love stories. She met a man in college during a party. She was introduced to him through a common friend, who she didn’t know very well. He was tall and handsome, his eyes so mesmerizing. He had a contagious laugh that completely captivated her attention. They first went on their first date a couple of weeks later and then eventually became serious. He was caring and kind. What most people seem to forget is that one doesn’t start dating a controlling and obsessive person, instead meet someone nice who suddenly starts behaving this way over time. The first act of control he showed was 2 months after they were together. He woke her up in the middle of the night, apologizing for having gone through her phone. She forgave him because she believes in second chances. He never did anything out of line again until after they were married and had their first child. After being let go of his dream job of almost 5 years he turned to drinking as a coping mechanism for not having the income to support his new family. That’s when the abuse started. 

            There was a time where she wasn’t allowed to speak unless she was told. She was so afraid of his reaction towards her and the baby that she did what she was told. Even though she was the only one working during that time he would tell her she was useless and an unnecessary part of the family. He eventually got another job and forced her to quit waitressing because he didn’t like the attention she was receiving from other people. He would come by and check on her to see if men where hitting on her. When he got his job back, out of fear of being let go again, he started being very controlling with the money and only granted her a limited access to the money. Completely depending of her husband in every way, she became depressed. Having him still tell her how small she is, all she could do is focus on raising her child. He eventually started demonstrating this abusive behavior towards their child and she became afraid that it might eventually escalate to physical abusive behavior.  

Two years ago, she decided that this was enough, took her daughter and was granted asylum at a local organization for woman. She stayed hidden for multiple weeks and then was sent to a protected and secluded location where he was not able to find her. No one in her family knew where she was. She had decided not to tell anyone in case he would react violent to her decision to flee. For an entire year no one knew where she went. Most people she knew didn’t even know about what was happening in her home because she was not capable of sharing it. 

Last year she came out of hiding once she felt safe again, filed for divorce and full custody of her daughter. They are fighting to both keep her but her lawyers have advised her that the odds are very much in her favor. 

             “I have never been so afraid in my life. Here was a wonderful man who I feel in love with because of his compassionate nature, who turned against his own family. I am a strong person and yet I was made to be so small in my own home, by a person who I trusted and loved with all of my heart. One thing was treating me this way but not my daughter. Enough was enough. I needed to breathe again, I deserved it.”